It is easy for us as ladies to get into very wrong relationships especially when we focus on the wrong things. We always want the perfect guy but we never take our time to analyse who we are diving in with. As a lady, I usually ask- how would I know the right man?
The truth is you can define what something is by defining what it is not. This write up simply shines light on how you would know the right man by giving some characteristics of a wrong man.
I had come across this passage many times but I never saw it this way- 2 Timothy 3:1-7. These are what I’ll call red signals. If you are in a relationship or planning to get into one and these are evident please get out- NOW! Thank you
1. He is self centred
A man who is all about himself, his goals, his ambitions, his life and sees you as his property, is a self centred man. He is a man who doesn’t think of anyone but himself; a man who puts himself before you. If he is a man who is too much into his career and forgets about you, then you can assume that when you get married you might be sleeping alone at night.
2. He is all about making money
A man who is so determined to make it so that he puts you on hold most of the time is wrong. He is a man who has made money his god such that if it is money making time then all reasoning is hell. Money is good and your man has to be able to support you and him. If he doesn’t have money then there are some things to discuss in that relationship.
3. He is boastful
A man who boasts too much about himself and what he has is going to put you down most of the time if you don’t meet up to his expectations. Conversations with such men are more boring than annoying.
4. He is proud
As an individual it is good to be proud of who you are and where you come from. It is good to be proud of your religion and the things you’ve been able to accomplish. It is good to be confident. But when his pride means an absence of humility there is a problem. If he is so proud that he is ready to step on the head of anyone around him, then he might step on your head one day.
5. He is abusive
A man who insults you, talks to you rudely, hits you, is a dangerous man. There are a lot of stories about women in abusive marriages. It turns out their spouse had been at it even before they got married but out of love they went ahead. An abusive marriage or relationship is the quickest way to kill your self esteem. It’s not healthy for you at all. If you see a man who abuses his friends or junior ones or fights a lot and is vulgar then please stay away from him.
6. He does not respect his parents
A man who doesn’t get along with his parents might not get along with yours. In all he might not be a good parent when the time comes. He might not even live long, because obeying your parents is one surety of living long in the first place.
7. He is ungrateful
A man who is ungrateful would find it difficult to progress in life. He won’t be grateful to you for anything you do; he might not even notice. He would run into a lot of trouble and people might not be willing to help him. In that kind of relationship the two of you would just be stuck because one person has a bad attitude.
8. He is unholy
To me, this is the most important point but some may not see it that way. As a Christian, inequality is not advisable. If he doesn’t fear God then he has no roots and is subject to no authority. He can be one person today and be another tomorrow because he is his own god. This is the most difficult kind of person to trust. An extra point is that if the two of you don’t share the same belief or practice the same religion, then in that aspect of your relationship there would be friction. The most irrelevant things may turn out to be the relationship breakers.
9. He is incapable of love
If he doesn’t love himself, he can’t love you. If he doesn’t love people around him, he can’t love you. If he doesn’t love God, he can’t love you. If he doesn’t believe in love, then where does loving you fit. What is love? Since childhood, by the word of God, also popular saying- love is patient, love is kind, and love is gentle, meek and mild. To add- love is not envious, love is not rude, love does not rejoice in wrong, love is hopeful. Love is the basic foundation of a man’s character. If he doesn’t understand love then please walk away from him. There are some men however who claim to love, but from the above definitions you can truly identify if he is being serious or not.
10. He does not forgive easily
A man who finds it difficult to forgive is also a very dangerous man. If he has a temper then you have to be careful. The movies we watch seem unreal but Reality TV would show otherwise. Men actually kill their girlfriends when they are angry. It doesn’t have to be so extreme but if he doesn’t forgive easily and if he keeps malice then you are going to have so many problems. There are men who would tell you straight that they can’t forgive- take note and stay away.
11. He is slanderous
A slanderer is a person who attacks the reputation of another person by falsely speaking about the person. He is a person who talks about another person simply to damage the person’s reputation. He can get you into trouble and can damage your reputation as well. Imagine what will happen if you tell him your secrets and you upset him one day- that might not turn out so well for you in the end.
12. He lacks self control
A man who lacks self control is capable of anything- over spending, over eating, over talking, too exuberant.
13. He is brutal
A brutal man is not ashamed to inflict pain. It is his nature and he might not see anything wrong with hurting you especially if he feels you deserve it. A good man is gentle and would treat you like the gem that you are.
14. He delights in doing evil
If he’s always up to no good then why waste your time, your life, and your freedom with him.
15. He is treacherous
A treacherous man is unreliable, dangerously unstable and unpredictable. The only word I have for you – FLEE!!!
16. He is rash
According to my dictionary, a man who is rash is marked by defiant disregard for danger or consequences. If he doesn’t respect himself or is not careful enough to consider the consequences of his actions then you are at great risk.
17. He is conceited
If he is self- conceited, then he is arrogant and he acts like a fool. He is egotistic and cares only for himself. An example is such a man who cares about his reputation and career more than he cares about you. He would do anything to get what he wants. He would let you take the first bite not because he sees that you are hungry but he wants to know if you’ll die first.
18. He loves pleasure
If he is too much about satisfying himself then please reconsider. There have been stories of young ladies who give up their virginity for men who claim to care. If he truly cares about you he will wait for the right time. Point in passing –marriage is best when the bed is undefiled.
19. He has a form of godliness
Young ladies who love a good Christian brother- you need two extra pairs of eyes. Guys like this are the greatest deceivers- wolves in sheep clothing if you want to call them that. They are nice, good, sweet, gentle, respectable but there is always one little thing that gives them away. They have done well to hide the skeletons in the closet but when it’s time to renovate, those skeletons would be exposed. Extra prayer hours would do well to expose them and also you have to be sharp to catch the signs.
20. He oppose the truth
The truth always sets you free. If he is a liar then he is going to be lying to you for the rest of your life if he doesn’t change. Whatever he hides from you may come back to bite him and sting you. Observe how he handles situations around him and also watch what his friends say about him.
Never thought the write up would be this long but these are just 20 identifications. As ladies we have to be wise about the decisions we make. It is easy to get carried away by his good looks and perfect hair but that is not all that matters anymore. If we cannot see things clearly at this point then I’m afraid to say we are either weak, foolish, or we
more or less fall under the same category as the above- then it is the men who have to be careful.