Order: Be prepared

I was so excited about my previous post that I thought to do another one. Following from my last post, I mentioned that Order is important because your life needs to be in order if you are going tobe of influence to someone else. In relation to last posts discussion, there is a place for order in our lives because orderliness is next to godliness.

Order is important because your life needs to be in order if you are going to be of influence to someone else.

59Then He said to another man, “Follow Me.” “Lord,” the man replied, “first let me go and bury my father.” 60But Jesus told him, “Let the dead bury their own dead. You, however, go and proclaim the kingdom of God.” 61Still another said, “I will follow You, Lord; but first let me bid farewell to my family.”…

I thought of the man who Jesus told to leave everything and follow him and the man replied by telling Jesus that he needed to go back and settle some things. You may be wondering what this has to do with order but it led me to reflect on the reality of my situation. I had a whole list of things to do- from school work to tidying my room. I simply thought that I would focus on my school work and leave the tidying up till the weekend.

This parable made me realise that we have to be ready at any time because God can call on us at any time. Jesus can even come at any time so we have to be ready. The same way anyone can show up at my doorstep and I want to be ready to receive them. I want the atmosphere of my space to be cheerful and in order; not dull and a mess. We may not always get a second change re-perform (1 Kings 19:19-21) so at all time be ready.

God can call on us at any time. Jesus can even come at anytime

I would not pretend like I am an ‘A’ student when it comes to being tidy but the point I am driving at is that you never know when Jesus will send someone your way, so you have to be in order and be prepared.

Most importantly you have to be equipped with the Word. 2 Timothy 4:2 tells us that we should be prepared in and out of season because we may have to speak to someone or encourage someone or be of influence to someone. We don’t have to lay things off till we are sure and everything is falling in place or wait for the ‘perfect’ moment. We should ensure that at all times we are ready like soldiers because soldiers are always ready for battle. The trumpet can sound at any time.

Soldiers are always ready for battle. The trumpet can sound at any time.

We have to be smart and on our feet. In the previous post, I mentioned that the prudent give thought to their ways (Proverbs 14:15).  A prudent person considers the future. You have to think ahead and think fast and in line with God’s plan for your life.

You have to think ahead and think fast and in line with God’s plan for your life.

 

In summary:

  • Your Life needs to be in order for you to be of influence
  • Orderliness means being prepared at all times
  • Order your steps in line with God’s word
  • Be equipped with the word in and out of season meaning at every time
  • As a soldier “be prepared” is the motto.
  • As a prudent person think ahead and be smart.

 

Have a Lovely Week.

Shalom

Ada’s Dilemma 

They had spent the past five years of their lives planning ahead from the day they would officially say I do. They had agreed on everything: what deco was needed in the house, who will do what, who was welcome to stay with them and for how long, how many children they would have, how they would spend financially and other things couples had to agree on before marrying. But nothing had prepared him for his wife’s comment on their wedding night.
“I think you we should use protection tonight babe”

“What?”

His tone wasn’t angry. He just wanted to make sure he heard right. A lot of things had already started running through his mind, like did his wife have a disease she was not telling him about? He trusted her so he was not going to be too forward. He just needed to understand.

“It’s just I’m not ready to get pregnant it’s too soon”
“Um… okay”

He waited for more explanations because even her reason was outlandish and unexpected. They must have discussed wanting to have children and when, but he did not remember discussing how long they were going to wait till that happened. He said nothing but stared at the frame of her body in the darkness of the room.

Ada had a dilemma in her own mind. She was not ready partly because she wanted to enjoy her husband but also because she had her career to think about and being pregnant now would perhaps make the climb to the top a little slow. What if she would have to quit her job? Being overly dependent on her husband wasn’t her style. Another thought that bothered her was that what would happen if when she was finally ready to have children she wouldn’t be able to. Igbo women were fertile anyway but with the uncertainty of the universe, there was a possibility that things would not go as planned. She prayed against her latter thought. But at this moment how was she going to explain this to her confused husband?

This was the exact dilemma that Ada confessed to her mother the next morning. Her husband did not take her silence lightly. There wasn’t any place to get protection at that time of the night so of course it was lights out.

The mother of the bride stared at her daughter, mouth open in disbelief, as she listened to the drama that had unfolded.
“Didn’t you discuss this during counselling?”

“Well, we did, but was thinking along this line recently.”

“And you decided to wait till after the wedding to state this?”

“I did not want him to have any doubts.”

“About what? You’re his wife!”

Ada remained silent.

“Okay let me tell you the truth and hopefully this truth will set you free.”

Ada stared at her mother.

“What you’re feeling is very normal. But it’s a feeling borne from fear and fear isn’t permitted in the life of a child of God, neither is worry. But here’s what I’ve learned and I’ll share it with you because it’s a passage that addresses all your current problems”

Her mother rose up to pull out her bible from the bedside dresser. The older woman then returned and sat by her at the foot of the bed.
She opened the little black book and read:
“Deuteronomy 28:11-13

The Lord will grant you abundant prosperity—in the fruit of your womb, the young of your livestock and the crops of your ground—in the land he swore to your ancestors to give you.The Lord will open the heavens, the storehouse of his bounty, to send rain on your land in season and to bless all the work of your hands. You will lend to many nations but will borrow from none. The Lord will make you the head, not the tail. If you pay attention to the commands of the Lord your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top, never at the bottom.
See, you’re under a new covenant and under this covenant you will be fruitful. Also under this new covenant, you will flourish.”
“You say new covenant but yet you read from the Old Testament.”
“Exactly, and that is because God’s promises are yes and Amen. Regardless of the time, he had decreed, He will bring it to pass. There isn’t any need to worry about this any further. Go home and agree with your husband. Honor him and please him. But don’t hold back because of fears, especially knowing now that your fruitfulness and prosperity have been settled long ago.”

Ada wipes away tears that have suddenly begun to slip down her chin.

“Thanks Mama.” She stretches her arm for an embrace.

^^^^^^

As we should know, in a coupled relationship, it is not just what ‘I’ want or ‘you’ want. It is what ‘We’ want. This is a difficult bridge to cross and that is why couples go through months of counselling and take time to agree together before the big balloon day. But even after all the ceremony it takes a conscious effort to make decisions together. Another lesson displayed in the story is the importance of having a spiritual partner. Either a friend, relative or mentor, you need to be open with someone. You also need as much confidence that that person’s advice will steer you in the right direction of peace and joy and not fuel your fleshy emotions. The most evident lesson is not to let fear and worry cloud your judgment on certain decisions. God’s word has the answer to whatever questions we are asking in secret. The answers may not come black and white but if we seek for his opinion on life’s most challenging situations, He is ready with an answer and with a very active support system (the Holy Spirit)

Shalom

Focus

1 Corinthians 10:23

Do All to the Glory of God

“All things are lawful,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up.

Through our continuous relationship and fellowship with God, through prayer and the study of God’s word, we soon realize that it’s not everything that’s meant for us. 
Everything good comes from God but it doesn’t mean that it is what is required to fulfill God’s will for our lives. 

James 1:17

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

Using myself as an example there are so many things I want to learn. So many skills I want to acquire and so many jobs I want to do. But then I realized that in pursuit of one opportunity I don’t have time to focus on that which I already have and end up running down on deadlines. While trying to acquire one skill set I abandon another. But my strong skill points are that I’m hard working and present my work accurately. I’m also a good team player and have good research skills(Trying to sell myself here 😁)

More important than getting everything and anything that we ever wanted is fulfilling the will of God because it is in doing this that we  get the satisfaction that we deserve and desire. We search for this satisfaction in other things but  we should be looking to the one who is the author of our plans in the first place. 
Proverbs says that many are the plans in a man’s heart but it the will of the Lord that prevails. Doesn’t this describe how frustrated we feel when we can’t get things done? When all our dreams and aspirations don’t come through as we want. It can be frustrating. But perhaps it wasn’t God’s will in the first place. 
But rather than fretting over what is God’s will or not the simple thing is to know that God is always working things out. So whether we fight or not what He desires for us will come to pass as long as we study the word and obey His instructions. He is working in us to do His will. 

 Psalms 143:10

Teach me to do your will, for you are my God! Let your good Spirit lead me on level ground!

Sometimes we just have to let go of those things that we feel are legitimately ours. Abraham had to send away Ishmael. Ishmael was his legitimate son but he was not what God had planned for Abraham. If Sarah had not complained Ishmael may perhaps have still lived in the house but it doesn’t change the fact that he was not necessary to God’s plan. It was something that happened and later on birth liabilities. But God is always faithful and He kept his promise to raise a nation for Himself. Nothing could have changed that. So we have to make a conscious effort to do away with some things although having them might not seem wrong. 
What we focus on, if we examine ourselves closely, are things that would either boost our egos or add money to our pockets. We have to often count as a loss (take no consideration to) what we have to follow after God’s plan and purpose for our lives.

It’s actually never easy. It can even be a bit confusing. But studying the word of God will always let you know what to do and when. When to relax and when to be working. When to celebrate and when to be humble. God can even use our mistakes to birth miracles. 
God is amazing because there is nothing we do that goes unrewarded. But of what benefit is it if it has nothing to do with God’s will. 

Proverbs 14:23

In all toil there is profit,but mere talk tends only to poverty.

But I do think it’s better to be doing something good than to be doing something wicked. Everything we do has a reward so if we do evil we’ll definitely reap from that also. There are only two sides to be concerned about when it comes to fulfilling God’s will: judgment for the wicked and blessing for the righteous.

“GOD made everything with a place and purpose; even the wicked are included—but for judgment.”

Proverbs 16:4 MSG

My point in summary is that we should focus on doing God’s will because that is where satisfaction in life comes from and that’s when we get to enjoy the benefits of what we’ve reaped.

I was praying when all this came to me so definitely I’m not an exception. I have to work on my focus as well. Everything we need has been provided, it’s in knowing why they are there that we’ll effectively and efficiently use them. But God is there to help. 

‘If the purpose of a thing is not known then abuse is inevitable.’

SHALOM!

Common Mistakes We Make.

1. Focusing on the problem 
We complain too much on what should or shouldn’t be. We focus too much of our attention on mistakes that other people make rather that creating solutions that would make things better for us.

2. Comparing with others
This limits your movement and makes you a setback to those coming behind you. When you compare you fail to see the opportunities ahead of you. You become distracted and leave a gap for someone to overtake you too.

3. Being subject to time
It is said that time waits for no man. We use most of our time lazing around and engaging in non-profitable activities then we start to rush and stress ourselves to meet up with deadlines. God gave everyone the same number of hours in a day and He has also given us the ability to define what we want to do with that time. Also, Leonard Ravenhill said “The opportunity of a lifetime must be seized within the lifetime of the opportunity”. Meaning that every opportunity has a life span and to take advantage of an opportunity you have to identify the lifespan of that opportunity and work within that time unless the opportunity would be lost.

4. Suffering from Paralysis by analysis
This is overthinking, worrying and not taking action. We learn too much and come up with plan A, plan B and plan C. We analyze the pros and cons of our decision till we become frozen when it’s time to take action. We fear our decisions and limit ourselves from experiencing what could be a great opportunity. Overthinking kills our creativity. The best way out of this is to set a deadline and be accountable to fulfill it. When in doubt about a decision talk to someone (a reasonable someone) about it.

5. Irresponsibility and passing the blame.
We blame ourselves, our family, our government, and even the economy for whatever we do or are unable to do. Successful people don’t use their background as an excuse to remain on the ground. Taking responsibility for your actions is a bold step to plunging into a responsible and successful future.

6. Poor Planning
Always prepare for the worst. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be positive or hopeful but most times we become nonchalant in our planning and we overlook many things. When we do not plan for the worst we become discouraged if something goes wrong. Planning for the worst means go the extra mile in whatever you’re doing.

7. Not enjoying the moment.
Moments are instances in life that we experience. Either good or bad they become a memory of the past that we remember and hold on to. The fruitfulness of your life is dependent on the moments you are able to share.

8. Forgetting that the present will become the past

It is foolishness to think that you can only live for the moment without thought to the consequences of your actions.

9. Holding on to regret and bitterness rather than lessons and forgiveness

Don’t allow the mistakes of your past to become your present delays and your future limitations.

10. Allowing your emotions to rule your actions

 Use your emotions as a leverage to make you and people around you feel better.

‘God said… but it did not work out’ by Kanayo Phoebe Dike-Oduah

God used this strong amazing woman, Kanayo Phoebe Dike-Oduah,  to share a message that has been on my mind. I got in touch with her immediately after reading her blog post and asked to share it. He used her to put the words together and now I’m going to use social media to spread the message. Remember My facebook post about how I cried and was upset about the traffic, yeah that was a related circumstance but there are bigger phases in life where we face such instances of ‘God said… But it didn’t work out’. For the fear of making mistakes in my career and relationships I have been so confused and worried of the next step to take but you know what-

 Psalms 37:25

I have been young, and now am old,yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or his children begging for bread.

They that trust in the Lord can not be out to shame!

Enjoy.

Kanayo Dike-Oduah

 

‘God said… but it didn’t work out’

‘God said…but it didn’t work out, so was it really God or were you hearing things because God is not a liar…’

I have heard many versions of the above phrase spewed inconsiderately and in a ‘what are you saying now?’ way to Christians, who perhaps shared that God instructed them to do something. That ‘something’ could have been anything, but it was ‘good’, it  was honourable and would seemingly have brought glory to God.

What happens when that thing; albeit a relationship – from courtship to marriage, a career, a university course, anything that you believed God told you to pursue, flops?

What do you say to the people who were rooting for you? How do you deal with the overwhelming feeling of shame because your failings have satisfied those that were waiting for your downfall? How do you deal with the feeling of doubt for anything ‘God instructs you to do’? How do you deal with the lack of trust in your ability to hear from God clearly? How do you deal with the feeling of being ‘let down by God’ because He is sovereign so He knew this wouldn’t work out…?

A few points to address the matter:

1. God’s instruction is perfect and infallible (never failing, incapable of being wrong). However, He trusts His instructions with imperfect humans who are prone to failure. Therefore, we should never discredit the instruction of God because man failed to execute it. God’s word is perfect and will not return to Him void. He is not the author of confusion.

2. God said ‘do XYZ’…but how have YOU responded to His instruction? How have you in your human wisdom interpreted it? Do you think your way of doing this is better? Or have you listened to a twisted version of God’s instruction?

Jonah is a perfect example of this (see Jonah Challenge). God gave Him an instruction to go to Nineveh to send a word for the people to repent. Jonah thought that God was being too lenient and so he took matters into his own hands and disobeyed God’s instruction. Things didn’t work out for Him because his disobedience led him to be gourmet pounded yam for a whale.

Adam and Eve – They were given an instruction by God not to eat from the tree of good and evil. This instruction was twisted by the devil and Adam and Eve forsook God’s perfect instruction for a warped version.

Abraham and Sarah – God told Abraham that He will be the Father of Nations, but when God’s promise appeared to tarry, they took matters into their own hands. With the rationale of ‘helping’ God – Abraham had a child with Sarah’s maid…the consequence is evident in our time today. Yet, God still fulfilled His promise.

3. God is all knowing, yet He is not a dictator. He gave us free will to make decisions for ourselves. Our prayer should be, Lord, equip me with everything that I need; wisdom, resources, patience and a sound mind to make the right decisions.

4. Is it really God’s instruction or your own desires? Sometimes we confuse our own desires for the voice of God. For example, the desire to be married isn’t wrong, the desire to be successful in all that we do isn’t wrong, but our attitudes towards those things can be way off God’s standards. Hence we flop, because we are yet to have the character that will sustain our marriages, we are yet to have the fruit of the Spirit that will keep us in places of prominence. Other times, because our desires are so strong and the enemy knows our desires, He can send counterfeits and ‘confirmations’ to push us outside of God’s tempo.

5. God can instruct us to do things that defy all logic and because of our limited understanding we sometimes think that there is a better way.

I’ve been studying Elisha recently and in 2 Kings 5 there is an account of the mighty King Naaman who also suffered from leprosy (a contagious skin disease). On hearing about Prophet Elisha’s great power from God, Naaman went to Israel to seek healing. He stood at Elisha’s door, but Elisha simply sent a messenger with this message; “Go and wash yourself seven times in Israel’s Jordan River. Then your skin will be restored, and you will be healed of your leprosy.” BUT…Naaman became angry and retorted, “I thought he would come out to meet me! – I expected him to wave his hand over the leprosy and call on the name of the Lord his God and heal me! Aren’t the rivers of Damascus, the Abana and the Pharpar, better than any of the rivers of Israel? Why shouldn’t I wash in them and be healed?” So Naaman turned and went away in a rage.

quotescover-JPG-56Naaman’s officers tried to reason with him and said, “Sir, if the prophet had told you to do something very difficult, wouldn’t you have done it? So you should certainly obey him when he says simply, ‘Go and wash and be cured!’” So Naaman went down to the Jordan River and dipped himself seven times, as Elisha had instructed him. And his skin became as healthy as the skin of a young child, and he was healed!

Another Biblical example which is in the book of Hosea. Hosea was an upright man who God told to marry a prostitute. In this day and age, the majority of us would have criticised Hosea for marrying Gomer, the hashtag #TheseHoesAintLoyal (pardon the offensive example) would have been everywhere. We would have said that Hosea was crazy and certainly didn’t hear from God.

We don’t know what God is up to or what He has told a person. Our job is to trust God even when it doesn’t make sense and to do the things He has instructed us to do, even when it sounds silly. For those who are prone to making harsh comments on a decision someone has made based on what they say God has told them, as long as the instruction doesn’t go against His word, your job is to be quiet and pray about the things you don’t understand – pray for them!

6. Sometimes we tag God to something that we’ve already established without consulting Him. Understand that God is not obligated to bless what he did not initiate.

Encouragement for those who are feeling the pain and shame of ‘God said…but it didn’t work out’.

It may LOOK like ‘God said…but it didn’t work out’. But as long as you are still alive, even when it looks like things have gone pear-shaped, let this be your hope and anthem: ‘God has not finished with me yet and He is faithful to His promises for my life’!

The story of Joseph is a perfect example (see Joseph Challenge), He had a ‘God-dream’, but His reality in the years to come did not reflect the dream…it looked like ‘God said He would rule over his brothers…but it didn’t work out’. Despite what it may look like, be patient, trust God’s tempo, what He said will happen – WILL happen. People will mock you, people will ask where is your God? People will say that you didn’t really hear God. But just like Joseph, you will be in a position where you will feed those that once mocked you. What you go through will serve others.

One more example, I along with many other children of divorced parents are still a product of ‘God said…but it didn’t work out’. God definitely told my parents to get married…but it didn’t work out, not because His instruction was flawed – but because of the recipients. What God gives is never defective. The institution of marriage is not defective – it is the people inside that allow for dysfunction to take root. However, without my parents coming together as instructed by God in the first place, I would not exist neither would my awesome siblings, I would not be here writing this blog.

God can still bring good out of our failures. His mercy is greater than our mistakes. So yes, there are times in life where it looks like God’s promise and instruction is far from our realities. Sometimes, we move outside of His word and things don’t work out. However, I encourage you to submit yourself entirely to Him, die to your fleshly desires, don’t move in haste, and wait on Him…it may look like things have flopped, BUT God has not finished with you yet!

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For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry. – Habbakuk 2:3 (KJV)

Reference scriptures: Numbers 23:19-20 | Habbakuk 2:3 | Psalm 37:5 | 2 Kings 5 | Psalm 42 | Romans 8:28

 

You can visit Kanayo Phoebe Dike-Oduah website at http://www.doctorkanayo.com

 

 

 

Do Not Be Overwhelmed By The Competition

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Competition exists everywhere. It exists in the work place while aiming for a promotion or in your business in trying to get your products to top the sales chart. Competition exists between siblings who are yet to understand that they are born unique. Even in blogging! There is the need to create relevant content. We can go on and on of different areas in life where competition exists. Competing, like change, is also a constant at different levels of progress. Let us look at the best way to take advantage of such situations:

 THE VIOLENT TAKE IT BY FORCE

This is one biblical phrase that people use often to mean if you want something you have to fight for it. It means fight to the finish. To use this strategy you have to be well aware of who the competition is; know their tactics and weaknesses. Use this information as a smart step to improve on your own strengths and networking strategies. 

 BLUE OCEAN STRATEGY

I never heard about the Blue Ocean strategy till a few days ago while speaking with a colleague of mine. This concept was introduced by W.Chan Kim and Renee Mauborgne, both professors of strategy and management at INSAED. The strategy explains that rather than battling to dominate an already populated market or competing in an existing industry, you can explore the untapped waters of an uncontested market space or build a completely non-existing industry into what you want it to be.

 IGNORE THE COMPETITION

Ignore the competition and focus on your attractive advantage. What makes people attracted to you? What makes people seek for your services? Use this advantage in an innovative way to make sure your fans, audience and customers stick with you. With this strategy your character goes a long way in determining if people stick with you or not. You have to build good relationships and remain consistent to make this strategy work.

FORM AN ALLIANCE

I recently listened to an audio training of taking advantage of the man around. The man around is a person who shares a similar interest and goal with you. Rather than working at logger heads with your competitor it is better to work together. We would agree that two are better than one. “If you want to go fast, go alone; but if you want to go far, go together.” Get to form good relationships with those in your professional, academic or social field.

You will be up against competition all your life and there is no doubt that healthy competition pushes you to do better but remember to “be so good they can’t ignore you” – Steve Martin.

 

Powerful Words And Life Lessons

 

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Picture by .S.L.X.

Hello!
I’m sure you’ll enjoy this read because I did when my mum sent it to me.
You might have read it somewhere before but there’s no doubt that there is powerful advise to always remember  coming from this powerful woman.

_________________________________________________________________

ADVISE TO LADIES BY A WOMAN OF SUBSTANCE – Married and singles:      

Heart to Heart with Mrs Ibukun Awosika, Entrepreneur and business magnate. First female Chair person of First Bank Nigeria PLC.

Advise for singles
If you are walking down the road, with the wrong man, you are in trouble. You cannot afford to make a mistake.
Don’t get married until you have a sense of who you are.
You have to take this seriously because your life is on assignment. You are accountable to God for your life.
Your life has three parts:
1. Who you are

2. After a while, you get the added responsibility of a wife. This does not replace who you are. Your role as a wife is to help a man be the best of himself, not to diminish yourself

3. After a while, you get the added responsibility of a mother
One part does not remove the other, and it is your responsibility to work out how the three will combine together.
When you know who you are, you will know what to look out for when you are looking for a partner.
You won’t be carried away by “Rich, Tall and Handsome”, Instead you will be looking for someone who can help you to achieve what you are born to achieve.
If you marry the wrong person, and there is a mismatch, there will be a great conflict.
You owe it to yourself not to settle.
Don’t ever settle until you are comfortable that this person you want to marry has your back and will allow you to fly.
If you don’t know who you are, you can start by knowing what you don’t want, and be honest with yourself.
Don’t get carried away with the butterflies in your tummy.
When you are deciding on a man to marry:
Pick a man who is responsible and who is working hard. He may not have made it yet, but at least he is working and he has a vision.
It is not your job to give your husband-to-be a vision. You can’t change him. Make sure that he already has a personal vision of what he wants to become and is already working towards it.
Please take note of this:
The son of a rich man is not a rich boy.
He will take you out on dates in a big car. It is not his car, it’s his father’s car. He borrowed it.
His father will throw a big party for the two of you when you are getting married. This is for his own ego. The father can even pay 2 years house rent for you to impress the inlaws, and hence you might not realize that you are in trouble.
When the marriage starts, it will dawn on you that the boy you married, does not have any money.
He is always dependent on his daddy.
The day daddy does not give him money, you guys will not have money.
All the responsibilities will fall on your head, and this will cause friction in the marriage.
Be warned my daughters.
You can prevent yourself from entering trouble.

Advise for Married Women
At first when you start a business, your husband might seem supportive because he thinks it is just a business to keep you busy.
But as the business becomes successful, he gets scared.
He gets scared because he feels that you might become something else. He has heard so many stories of women who have become rich and are now terrible. He is scared that you might not be able to balance it all.
You have the power to manage this transition.
1. Don’t start what you cannot finish
Breakfast in bed
Cooking fresh food everyday
The day you become busy and you cannot make breakfast in bed, he will say you have changed and will start treating you as if you are a horrible person
2. Make your husband a stakeholder in everything you do
You must have heard people say:
Your husband’s money is your money
Your money is your money
This is bad advice
If your husband has no stake in what you do, what is his benefit? You are making money everyday and you are still asking for housekeeping. After a while, he will begin to despise you.
All this money you are making, you can’t even help out in the house.
One of the wise things you can do is to empower him.
For example, you can say, “Let me take care of the house bills, you can use your money to build us a house”
When he sees how your money is helping him, he begins to get invested in what you do; he wants you to succeed because your success takes some burden off his shoulders.
Please note: This is why you should marry a hardworking man, who will not take advantage of you because you are contributing to the home-front. If you marry a reasonable man, he won’t start spending his money on other women because you are helping out.
Money is a very sensitive topic in a marriage because it can break a home. A lot of ladies take advice from the older generation, forgetting that the generation of our mothers is not the same as our generation.
In that generation, not a lot of women were career focused.
In this generation, it is the norm for women to be career focused, and hence, the dynamics has changed, and we have to deal with that dynamic.
God knows what he was saying when he said, husband and wife are one
The two of you are one and he can bless the one through any of the halves of the one. He can bless the husband or the wife, but it does not change who is in charge.
Your husband is in charge of your home and you should never have illegal leadership because you have money
Money is nothing.

It is just a tool you can use to achieve what God has ordained for you.
Don’t allow money to control your home. If you do, you are in trouble.
When you understand this, you won’t become arrogant because you are making money.
I want you to understand this because we need to raise a critical mass of women who can be successful and use money wisely, so that men can become comfortable with successful women and it can be easier for our children to become successful
You also need to understand that your husband is facing so many things:
Pressure from in-laws

Pressure from friends
They will be telling him things about you, hence you have to be careful.
Don’t keep secrets from him, secrets breed mistrust.
If you want to invest in property, let him know what you are doing.
If you don’t trust your husband, you can keep the asset in your name or in your children’s name.
If you trust your husband, you can buy property and keep the asset in the both of you’s name.
If you have plenty cash, invest in assets immediately. If your husband knows that you are sitting on so much cash, he will ask you for it and if you don’t give it to him…trouble. You become the enemy.
Wisdom my daughters, you need wisdom.

Business Advice
What business do you want to do?

Do you even know the business?

Have you empowered yourself to make the right decisions?

Have you done due diligence…and this is not about asking your friends for their opinion.

After selling your products to family and friends, how can your business idea become commercially viable?

What pricing and evaluation models can work for your business?
As you go along in your business, it is foolish to not understand the numbers.
Invest in yourself.
There is nothing wrong with not knowing, but you have to have the courage to ask someone to teach you.
Go to Business School.
If you can’t afford it, attend business workshops and trainings.
You might think you are smart, but really, what do you know?
We are all smart, but we don’t know everything.
If you think about how many different topics exist, you will realize that you don’t know a lot.
I’m always in school, I spend what people use to buy houses to go to school.
If everybody is deceiving you, do not deceive yourself, nobody knows where you are going but you. You owe it to yourself to invest in yourself.
After you invest in yourself, the knowledge is yours, and you will find yourself in places you don’t feel you are qualified for.
What am I doing on the board of a bank? I am a Carpenter. My first degree was in Chemistry.
It is your responsibility to empower yourself with information that can help you.
Be honest with yourself and identify what your gaps are.
Invest in yourself.
This is what will separate you from the crowd.
Another thing you should note, is that it is important to treat people right.
This is how I have gone so far without bribery. I treat people with kindness, such that they do things for me out

of love instead of “a cut”.
Everybody from the gateman, to the house keeper, to the driver, to the secretary to the oga…everybody.
It is the gateman you are nice to, that will open the gate for you and find parking for you when you are late to a meeting.
It is because I have help at home, that is why I can be here today.
I have delegated some responsibilities, and hence I can have time to focus on what I know how to do best.
If I did not delegate these tasks to other people, and if I did not treat the people who were helping me out well, I would have to do everything by myself.
Human beings in your life are very valuable.
By yourself, you are limited.
Everybody doing something in your life is valuable.
You lose when you think that you are the most important person in the room.
The way you make people feel affects the extent to how they can help you achieve your potential.
Love people.
Show care for people
Be kind to people.
If you work with artisans (tailors, carpenters, etc), Be kind but firm.
Be firm, but just.
Don’t become a fool, be firm but nice.
When you are fair, people will fight for you the day you make a hard decision.
I have fired a whole factory before. I was younger than my staff and I was equally pregnant. They decided not to show up at work on one day and we had a deadline.
I found other carpenters to complete the work during the weekend and by the time they showed on Monday, their sack letters were waiting at the gate.
Do not let anyone despise you because of your age and gender.
Keep your word
If you give your word to your customer, keep it.

_________________________________________________________________

Power Points:

1. Know yourself and know what you want in life, marriage and career.
2. Be focused. 
3. Money is good but it is not everything.
4. Your husband is in charge so respect him. 
5. Don’t be arrogant, be focused.
6. Be careful who you take advise from.
7. Invest in yourself.
8. Value others; love and care for them  
9. Be firm but just 
10. Keep your word and maintain integrity 

What to do when you’re having a bad day

 
Yeah you might have guessed right that I WAS having a bad. And I would explain why ‘was’ is in capital letters so keep reading. 

In fact it felt like the weekend leading to today had been ‘bad’ (in a way). 
So what made today so was that it was raining and I had to go for my community development service on the Island which was a long journey for me since I stay on the Mainland and to top it off, it started raining. So I freaked out, reversed and went home cause I was skeptical about driving in the rain. The rain subsided and I tried to drive out again then my mum called that there was traffic and my CDS group member killed the ginger by saying he would have not come so I reversed again to go home only this time I ran into a Mercedes! 

It’s funny cause I was excited to have run into a Mercedes! But I was also shaken up and sad cause the car had a big dent at the back. With gloomy skies up above and a heavy heart, I lay on my bed secretly praying that my body fat would not settle and I won’t gain weight from over resting. I was feeling too down to do anything else. 

After a the gloomy events had passed I decided to write about what to do to get over a bad day: 

1. Tell God about it!

Well that’s the first on the list because it is in God’s presence that there is fullness of joy. 


2. Don’t overthink
 
Thinking over what caused you to be gloomy in the first place can never make things better so look on the bright side.

 3. Focus on what you love doing 
Well I love writing and telling stories so I took to doing it. It makes everything more clear and I admit funny(to me!). There might be something you love doing: reading, watching a movie, gisting with friends or driving.

4. Pamper yourself
Everything you do should be done with moderation. So while you’re pampering yourself with a snack or watching your favorite series, do it all in moderation and to the glory of God.

5. Don’t blame 
Blaming yourself or blaming others can only lead you to be depressed or upset unnecessary. So don’t point accusing fingers and don’t worry.

6. Move on 
Time waits for no man. As responsible human beings we all have things to do and having a bad day is not an enough excuse to hang up the towels(figure of speech for don’t give up).

7. Thank God 
Remember God is the beginning and the end. So you started with telling him how you felt now you can also end with thanking for how you feel now(however you feel!) 

So I hope this helps but if you have any idea on how you got over your bad day you can write it below and let someone benefit also. 
Shalom. 

The Weekend with Demiladeayo.

So for me this weekend was amazing. I could call it my post birthday weekend celebration. So rather than keeping it all to myself I have decided to tell you about it (I’m keeping it simple of course):

Friday 29-04!
People say the weekend starts on Friday and after work everyone is excited to chill with friends and hang out for the rest of the evening before heading home. So on Friday some colleagues and I headed to Hard Rock Cafe down the road from our office building (Landmark, Water Corporation Drive, VIctoria Island, Lagos)
The whole idea was to hold a mini send off gathering for some people that were leaving.

Hard Rock Cafe is a restaurant and bar and that night they were hosting DJ Jimmy Jat but it was getting late and I had to go home. But from pervious visits to the Cafe, their food is great and they have a variety of nice cocktails and a wonderful ocean view! Although being inside is more comfortable because Nigeria is so hot!

Saturday 30-06!

AAND Architecture Exhibition

Saturday was looking more like the stay at home and watch Jane the Virgin kind of day but later in the evening I got invited by my dad to a private architecture showcase – African Alliance for New Design(AAND) hosting three architectural firms: cmD+A, MOE+Art Architecture and SI.SA. It was an exhibition promoting architecture with African based ideas and modernism. I ran into a school mate of mine who is an architect and works at cmD+A (they are responsible for designing the new Maryland shopping mall that is to open on the 26th of May).

I was the only one that came with a professional camera and ended up photographing the event. No regrets there because I did not take the pictures for free; thanks to the encouragement I received from a passionate guy that works with Si.Sa. I wasn’t perfect but he made me see that with passion and wisdom I could earn from the pictures taken.

I am currently serving at an organization that is into Mechanical and Electrical consulting and happened to come across one our projects designed my MOE+Art Architecture. I was really excited because I happened to have visited that particular site on Friday with my boss!

Sunday 01-05!

Anticipating Asa’s grand opening

Sunday was thanksgiving and also May 1st which meant it was also Workers’ Day and because of that the global holiday was to extend to Monday!!! We had a special guest at our church- Mr Laolu Gbenjo who gave us a wonderful praise session. After the service I got to talk to him because I write and sing. He asked me what my stage name was and I told him Demiladeayo(that was the only thing that came to mind). So he said to me that your stage name is the brand that people know you by. Once they hear that name they have an image of you in mind. He also promised to visit my blog (Yaay!)

When I got home my cousin asked me if I was interested in going for the Asa concert, that her boss had cancelled and she had an extra VIP ticket. Of course I said yes! So before heading out for the concert I went to eat my favorite original pounded yam and seafood okro at Yellow Chili. The concert was live with opening guest performances from: Kaline, Falana, Rachael Kerr and Bez. Then Asa came up and raised the roof!

Wow! Sunday was so dramatic I had to find a way to keep it simple but in trying to keep it simple I missed a lot! I forgot my phone at home so couldn’t take a selfie with Mr Laolu! My camera battery was low so I couldn’t take pictures at the concert + I left early 😦

Monday 02-05!

The queue before me is evidence alone of how nice the smoothie is!

Guess what?
I ran into Asa again at the Eko Hotel and Suits while visiting the UKEAS Exhibition. While I was about leaving the event and gisting with my aunt about the concert, there was Asa beside me. It was like a ‘speaking of the angel’ kind of moment(I did not hesistate to get a selfie shot this time). From there we headed to the GTB food and drink fair at Water Corporation Road. That also was live because I love food and it’s for people that love food! I ran into a colleague of mine who loves food and he cooks too which I admire so much (it’s a secret observation he doesn’t know about). He told me he was going to take cooking classes with Red Dish Chronicle which is a culinary school owned by Abiola Akanji (Chef Stone).

I also ran into a fellow core member of mine whose sister manages Smothie Express! It reminded me of the ones I had in school and I was so excited to try it and you should too.

Also to end the fair experience I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to enjoy doughnuts from Donuts n’ Crumbs

The dogged concentration of a happy customer about to receive a grand prize



Yeah! So my weekend was pretty busy- I know. But at the end of it God gave us life so that we could enjoy it!! In enjoying the life we have, we are also living for Him!

Shalom!

10 Reasons Why You Should Not Avoid National Service.

Definitely there are also the down sides of the national service but I hope these positive points are able to convince you not to resent the yearly scheme. For those who have done their national service already this is something you can reflect on and use as a point to encourage someone else who is about to do his or her National Service. For those currently doing their National Service let’s look on the bright side: 

1. Most high ranking organizations require you as a Nigerian Citizen to have done your NYSC. We cannot run away from the fact that the government has enforced this scheme as a compulsory requirement for those that want to work in the country. 

2. For masters scholarships most times you are required to have the NYSC certificate. 

3. You get to experience a whole new environment. For those who actually get posted outside of their home town, the experience whether good or bad can never be forgotten and if you take advantage of whatever situation you find yourself, you get to learn new things and share these experiences with others. You get to learn a new language, adapt to a different culture and eat completely different food. 

4. It’s a period of time when you can plan your life. Let’s be honest not everyone goes for CDS and during that time some people are actually running around for business deals and chasing their dreams. 

5. It’s an easy way to make an impact on your environment. During the national service year we engage in our community development service(CDS) and for those who are serious about adding value this is an easy way to do it with human support from other core members and financial support from organizations. 

6. You get to enjoy your life for another year. For those that teach, the resting period is endless- from closing early to enjoying mid-term breaks and still getting paid! For those that work in formal organizations there is always that anticipation for CDS day(except for the extremely serious ones that go to work after CDS). 

7. NYSC has a lot of opportunities for those who are wise enough to see through the abrupt call up periods. Seminars and job fairs are held for qualifying candidates except that they expect everyone to show up even if it is not in your professional interest. It is also easy to make aquitances and concrete connections during the NYSC period that can serve you after the service year either through fellow core members or PPA(Place of Primary Assignment) managers. 

8. The joy of obtaining social favors. Although it is complete partiality, you’re sure that you cannot get into trouble with Road Safety or LASMA as long as you’re wearing your uniform, you are carrying your ID card and you have a nice smile(but please do not intentionally break the law). If you enter any organization with your uniform, the service cheers from those who have done NYSC before lightens the environment and makes it easy to communicate. 

9. Skill Acquisition and Entrepreneurial Development (SAED).
This is one of the best things that one can acquire during the period. It is a means to acquire skills at a more convenient training fee compared to being trained outside. If trainings are taken seriously one would learn more than expected in a short time. Such skills can then be used to make extra money on the side. There are people taking advantage of this scheme and are doing very well. 

10. You can meet potential hubby or wifey. There have been a lot of stories of people who met during their national service and are happily married today. Although it is not a 100 percent chance but with your heart in the right place and God’s blessing this is not impossible.